Anyone want to help with my creative writing final?

[allmightyone420]

Ok so the final assignment for my creative writing class I am taking online is to write a fable. I chose to make it a story about my new cat, and how it was found under the hood of a truck, but add in some imanginary parts to kid friendly it up. Take a few moments to read over the story, commenting in the end with what you like and dislike about it. What changes would you suggest that I make?

The assignment is due Monday at 11:55PM, so you have some time to get back to me. I plan to turn it in more than likely that evening.


_______________________________________________________________


On a day that is not today, but instead has already passed, there was a little kitten not more than a few months old named Hogan. He was the youngest of six this round, with five and six sets born before his making for a very large family. Hogan had lovely green eyes and had a mix of yellow and red stripes that covered his fur from front to back. Hogan's mother was a wise old cat named Ruth who wanted instills the values of honesty and respect for others in her children. Ruth raised her young kittens in a small wooden covering away from the block houses that we humans live in. There she had pulled together some blankets she found outside for her children to use as beds, and would bring back meals from the fish market that was down the street each night after it closed. Ruth would tell them before going to bed each night "my precious children, if you work hard and treat everyone you meet fairly, you can achieve anything in life." Then she would sing them a song as they went to sleep.
Now like most children, Hogan was very curious and always tried to get into new and exciting adventures. He would try to climb trees with his older brothers, Batista and Cena, though his claws could not hold onto the bark and his paws would just slide down each time. He would try to jump and play with the mice and birds like his brother, Mysterio, would do each day, though he was not a quick. He even would try to stay up late and sing in the family chorus with Vince, Linda, Shane, Stephanie, and Hunter, but his little voice was no match for some of the full grown cats in his family. Hogan didn't know what his life would include yet, and was afraid of not meeting the expectations of his very talented family.
One day his mother decided to take all of the kids on a long walk around the neighborhood. She lined up all of the children from biggest to smallest, which put little Hogan in the back with his sisters Candice and Michelle. They started to walk though the grass, over the rocks, and towards the forest. Now Candice and Michelle were two evil children, one black with a white stripe and the other white with a black stripe. They were never happy about the attention that little Hogan got from mom, and were always looking to cause trouble. The two young girls looked at each other and said almost in stereo "it would be so much better for us if Hogan just went away." So after scampering up front for a quick peak they came back and said "we may be able to make this happen today." So the girls went around to each side of Hogan and said again in stereo, "Hogan, you should come our way."
Hogan looked a little confused, as you would be too if one black and one white cat surround you and began to talk in unison. He asked his sisters why should they go off on their own, and not follow the group. The girls replied that mom said this would be a race to a magical place, and they already had directions. Hogan was too young to know of many of the sister's tricks, so he followed along as they hopped on top of a big rock, then through some more grass, then onto a big log that sat by a big, metal box. Now this metal box looked almost like a monster, with jaws open showing off his metal teeth up front and a long eye above that seemed to shine through. Hogan was scared of the monster looking metal box, and asked his sisters if they were ready to go back and find the rest of the family.
"What are you, a chicken or something?" Asked the girls in their confusing tone. "We thought you were a cat. You're supposed to be rough and tough, not a scared little bat." Hogan didn't want to seem scared, but didn't know why they were at the metal monster box. Candice and Michelle then said "its part of the game," which was part of their lies, "You have to crawl in to find a big surprise." So Hogan made his way in though a path that was dark and thin, with crazy tubes of rubber and metal wrapping all around. He crawled up and he crawled down and as he looked around he would shout back to his sisters to ask what he was looking for.
"Candice! Michelle! Can you hear me?" He began to ask, hoping that they were not far behind. "Where is the prize that we are looking for?" It was scary in the big metal box, and the claws in his paws would sink though some parts as he would walk, slowing his steps with each moment he would find himself stuck to something. "Sisters can you hear me? I will need help getting out."
All of a sudden he heard a loud noise. "Click!" The noise said, bringing total darkness to the box. It was as if the monster had closed its mouth, and now planned to swallow the dinner inside. Hogan was scared, and tried to race towards the top to get out. But which way was the top he now wondered. The maze he had climbed through had turned him upside down, and without light his little eyes could not see fully where his paws were stepping. Hogan was really scared, and thought that maybe if he found a quiet spot to settle into that once the light came back he would be safe. But what place would be quiet and safe in this dark and scary box he pondered, and would the light ever come back he began to question. He shut his eyes and began to cry, wondering if he would ever see his mother or other family again.
A long time would pass and Hogan became hungry and scared. Then suddenly Hogan felt a very hot sensation below and heard a different type of clicking noise. This was a clicking almost repetitive, and a heat that seemed to be caused by a spark. These things really frightened little Hogan, who was sure the monster had awaken to eat him. He looked to his left and between sparks would see the monster's teeth turning around in a weird chewing motion. He then looked to his right and saw between sparks the monster's heart, which would pump loudly. Fortunately for little Hogan though, the monster never fully woke up. It would maybe send out a spark or two, beat from the heart for a second, and circle his teeth for a few moments. Then things would stop and he would hear the clicking again. This went on for what seemed like forever, as Hogan feared the end of his life. He began to cry out again, "Mother! Sisters! Brothers! Where is my family?" Hogan cried as loud as he could, almost drowning out the sound of the monster until it finally opened its mouth again.
Suddenly he heard an angelic voice, and saw a figure that was not like his own appear from the light above. Hogan cried out to the angel-like figure, hoping that maybe it could help. In response he heard "Oh my," in a very rough and tumble voice, "What do we have here?" The angelic figure reached down and picked up Hogan with one hand, bringing him out towards the sunlight that had escaped his little eyes for so long. Then a deep voice came out from the puffy white beard saying "You must be why my truck will not start.” Then the voice began to ponder “I wonder if you have a home..."
So the old man with the puffy white beard and the deep voice that appeared like an angel took Hogan away from the scary metal monster that was actually his truck. He brought Hogan inside of his home, and fixed a nice pot of hot tea for the two of them to drink. Hogan walked around and around the home at first, since he wasn’t used to being in a place that big in a long time. There were way bigger chairs and blankets in this place, since it was for a human. He had never actually spent time with a human before, but was told scary stories about them by his two wicked sisters. Still, even if he was not sure if he could trust them, Hogan found himself believing their words and thus was afraid.
The old man sat down in one of two old rocking chairs, sitting side by side between a small table, and asked “So you don’t look like something that belongs in my truck. I bet we can find out who you do belong to with some luck.”
The cat, looking confused, said “What?”
“What’s your name? Let us start there.”
“Oh, my name is Hogan, and I am lost”
A brief pause, then “That’s fair.”
“Yes I was out for a walk with my mother and family one day when I got separated by my two older sisters who told me that we were on an adventure to find this magical place during a race which turned out to be all just a lie and lead me into that dark metal thing that I thought was a monster about to eat me and I just want to go home,” Hogan spit out while crying. “Wha!”
“Wha? Home? Sisters?" The man looked confused for a moment. "Why would they do that?”
“I *sniff* don’t *sniff* know”
“Is it the in thing to do to a cat?”
“I don’t know why they did that, I am telling the truth. I just want to find my mother, Ruth?”
“Your mother is Ruth?”
“Yes”
“I know her!”
“Can you take me there?” Little Hogan asked the man.
“Sure”
So they set off on an adventure to find Hogan’s family. It didn’t take long actually, seeing that the man knew exactly where Ruth lived and after a quick repair had a working truck to drive them both in. He pulled up to the house where Hogan lived and knocked on the door. Batista and Cena answered the door, and were shocked to see their younger brother, Hogan, with the human standing there. The entire family rushed outside to greet their long lost brother, who had been missing for several days.
“Oh little Hogan,” Ruth said as she came outside. “We have surely missed you.”
“Mom I have missed you too,” Hogan replied. He was happy to be home, but after a moment looked puzzled. “Where are Candice and Michelle?”
“Oh we thought they were with you,” said Mysterio with a sad look on his face.
“The last we saw them was that day,” Hunter continued, “When they said that a dog was chasing them.”
“The dog we all saw later covered in blood,” Stephanie added.
“And their bodies were ripped to shreds,” Vince said.
“No I wasn’t hurt with them,” Hogan said. He then explained the whole story of how he followed them along on what was supposed to be a fun adventure. He told his family about how they tricked him into going inside the hood of the truck, then slammed he hood shut so that he was stuck. He talked about how many days he spent inside with his face in a pout, until the old man with puffy white beard came and lifted him out. Then they all thanked the old man and he went on his way, while they went on to enjoy the rest of their day.
Hogan would eventually grow up, form his own family, and become a strong adult cat. In fact he even became a professional acrobat, the world’s greatest acrobat cat winning tons of awards. But that, my friends, is a different story…

[Goofy]

I think it's a good story... leave it the way it is... Holly Wood Hogan Cat some things do matter more than you realize... it dosen't matter what you do to get famus but remember once you get there it's a responsabilty.